Was at a rally last week. Got some really nice pics. Will post some up soon.



l288
-- Post From My iPhone

Labels: car, dirt, mud, Rally

(Continued from here:http://unreadablefeelings.blogspot.com/2009/07/time.html)

Drama was so important to me. It was my motivation, the thing I looked forward to back then. It was my love. Then it ended. I left secondary school. Then there was that few months in between. I found a small role in a production at Zouk. I was so happy. I could again be there on stage, and be myself. Then that ended too. I lost all contact with the people there and my secondary school too.

Then I came to poly. First day of school, I was scared. Apprehensive. And strangely, excited. Strange faces, accents, language that over the last few years I became used to, to accept, to understand, to call my friends. I foolishly chose a course that I liked. About computers, about technology, about electronics. That, was the biggest mistake I ever did. Sure there are some mistakes that I made which may seem to you bigger than 'choosing' something I was interested in. Like not chasing that person. Like refusing to believe that I was able to actually like someone who I didn't know very well. Here in polytechnic, I've find that I'm regressing. Without an older mentor, without someone to look up to and say 'I wish I could do as well as him', I've let myself slide back into a state where I've no motivation to do anything else except to get by each day by doing the least possible of my responsibilities.

Its pathetic. Its poor. Thats me.

After I left secondary school, I could look back, and said: look I've got this award for doing this, and I did that for this award. But looking back at my 2 and half years here at poly, I cannot say the same. There's nothing I can look back to, and say proudly that I did that. What changed? I've no idea.


And so, as my dear father used to say, that I was digging a hole so deep that I couldn't get out of. And I don't think I can help myself anymore. Maybe I'll just give up even trying. I don't know how to stop, and to get back up.

These self reflective posts always seem so lonely...maybe I want to write some more, maybe I don't.


l288

Labels: Personal, Tech, zouk

Right now, I have 2 stories in drafts. That's because one is the unfinished piece of the 2nd part of the post below; the other a post that I can't write more than a paragraph without getting tears in my eyes. I try to find the quiet places and time to write, but seems those moments are so fleeting, so...little now. On buses, waiting for classes to start.

Its so, so confusing.


l288